Dinner is over, dishes are still on the table. Natalie is talking about her day — something stressful, something that mattered. Jack nods, eyes fixed on his phone, thumb scrolling. “Are you listening?” Natalie asks. “Yeah,” Jack replies, not looking up. She goes...
Erin: “I shared how I felt and you said nothing. Your silence said everything!” Taylor: “I didn’t know what to say… so I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to make it worse!” I hear this kind of exchange often in couples therapy. In this case, Erin and Taylor were a...
Dear Therapist, My partner keeps telling me I’m defensive. I don’t see it that way. I feel like I’m just explaining myself. I don’t want to come across as difficult, but I also don’t think it’s fair to always take the blame. How do I know if I’m actually being...
Blame and denial are natural responses when relationships feel tense or uncertain. Many couples struggle with communication breakdowns, emotional distance, and repeated conflict. Yet, few realize how often these patterns are fueled by underlying defenses like blame...
Dear Therapist, I’ve been reading about the Four Horsemen from The Gottman Method, and I really want to improve how I show up in my relationship. But honestly, it’s hard to catch myself in the moment. Sometimes it feels like I only realize I was critical or defensive...
How many couples are ready, willing, and able to commit an entire weekend to their relationship? Months ago, I found myself in an interesting position trying to answer this question. At the time, I was a new employee of Connect Couples Therapy* who had just learned...
Compromise in a relationship can feel like an uphill battle. If you give in and give up, you feel defeated. If you dig your heels in and refuse to waver, you feel guilty. Yet, Dr. John Gottman, co-founder of Gottman Method Couples Therapy, emphasizes that compromising...
Do you remember the last time you had an argument with your partner? Did you feel lit up, frustrated, or even out of control? When we experience anger during a conflict with our partner, it's important to recognize that anger is often a secondary emotion, meaning that...