Discernment Counseling
Get clarity about your relationship’s future.
If you or your spouse are considering divorce but aren’t completely sure that’s the best path, you’re in a tough spot. Discernment counseling is designed to help couples pause, breathe, and explore their relationship options with clarity and compassion.
Unlike traditional marriage counseling, the goal of discernment counseling isn’t to solve marital issues—but to determine if they’re solvable.
What is discernment counseling?
Discernment counseling is a new way of helping couples where one person is “leaning out” of the relationship—and not sure that regular marriage counseling would help–and the other is “leaning in”—that is, interested in rebuilding the marriage.
It offers a structured space to examine whether to restore your marriage, move toward separation, or take a break before deciding.
Discernment counseling is not:
- Ongoing couples therapy
- About solving all marital issues
- Pressuring either partner to stay
- Meant for coercive or high-conflict dynamics
Discernment counseling is:
- Short-term and structured
- Focused on decision-making
- Compassionate to both perspectives
- Supportive even if you choose to separate
What does a discernment counselor do?
We’ll help you decide whether to try to restore your marriage to health, move toward divorce, or take a time out and decide later. The goal is for you to gain clarity and confidence about a direction, based on a deeper understanding of your relationship and its possibilities for the future.
We’ll emphasize the importance of each of you seeing your own contributions to the problems and the possible solutions. This will be useful in future relationships even if this one ends.
What to expect in discernment sessions
You will come in as a couple, but the most important work occurs during one-on-one conversations with the counselor. Why? Because you are starting out in different places.
The counselor respects your reasons for divorce while trying to open up the possibility of restoring the marriage to health. There are no bad guys and good guys.
Session structure:
- Up to 5 sessions, typically 80 minutes each (2-hour initial session)
- A combination of joint and individual time with your therapist
- Emphasis on clarity and decision-making, not conflict resolution
Ready to take the first step?
Discernment counseling offers a unique space to pause and reflect—without pressure. Whether you’re hoping to rebuild or need to consider separation, our experienced therapists will guide you with warmth and clarity.
If you’re navigating uncertainty in your marriage, this approach can help you both move forward with intention.
FAQs about discernment counseling
How is discernment counseling different from marriage counseling?
Discernment counseling is short-term and decision-focused. It’s ideal for couples who aren’t sure whether they want to stay together or separate. It helps clarify that choice rather than work on relationship issues directly.
How many sessions does discernment counseling include?
Discernment counseling typically consists of an initial 2-hour session and up to four 80-minute sessions.
Do you offer virtual discernment counseling?
Yes! We offer virtual discernment counseling for clients in Arizona, Florida, North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, and Vermont.
When is discernment counseling not a good fit?
This approach is not suitable for every situation. Discernment counseling may not be appropriate if:
- One partner has already decided to divorce and is not open to discussion
- There is coercion or pressure to attend counseling
- There’s ongoing domestic violence or abuse
If any of these apply, we can help you explore other more suitable support options.
Where do you offer discernment counseling?
We provide in-person discernment counseling in Charlotte, NC and Carefree, AZ.
Virtual sessions are also available for residents of Arizona, Florida, North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, and Vermont.
I want to learn more about discernment counseling.
Our experienced therapists have worked with many couples through the discernment process. These articles can help you learn if discernment is the right path for you and your partner.
Contemplating Divorce? Consider Discernment Counseling First