You have 17 meetings this week, all scattered throughout your calendar. But what about a scheduled check-in with your spouse? Many couples in therapy ask about the best ways to keep working on things at home. The desire for at-home practice is such a great signal — you and your partner are motivated to improve your relationship and are committed to the work you’re doing in therapy. While couples can make significant headway in each 50-80 minute therapy session, you and your partner must practice the skills you learned. Of all the books, resources, and articles, there’s one practice that we recommend to every couple: the weekly couples check-in.
A weekly relationship check‑in, or ‘couples check‑in,’ is a simple, structured conversation that helps partners reconnect, address challenges, and celebrate wins. In just 10 minutes per week, you can build trust, improve communication, and strengthen your bond.
Quick summary: Couples check-in
A couples check-in is a short, intentional weekly conversation that helps you and your partner reconnect, improve communication, and feel more emotionally aligned.
- What is it? A 10–20 minute weekly conversation to reconnect and reduce tension.
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When should we do it? Weekly, when both partners are calm and present.
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How do we start? Use the CPR method: Compliment, Problem, Resolution.
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Why does it work? Builds trust, appreciation, and teamwork before issues escalate.
What is a relationship check-in and how often should you do it?
A relationship check-in defined
A check-in is a regular conversation between partners to “check in” on the relationship status from each partner’s perspective. Some couples may only need 10 minutes to check in, while others may take up to 1 hour. Relationship check-ins allow you and your partner to ask, “How are we doing?” in a structured and thoughtful way. Check-ins create intentional space to discuss what you’re doing well as a couple and what you want to continue working on within your relationship.
Check-ins prompt couples to share appreciation, positive moments, or “wins” in their relationship and discuss areas of improvement or challenges they face as a couple or family. Relationship check-ins are not just for those in couples therapy — a check-in is an excellent practice for any couple.
How often should you check in with your partner?
A weekly check-in is ideal. A weekly relationship check-in ensures you and your partner can address issues before they pile up and take advantage of timely opportunities to give praise and express appreciation. Why weekly? Well, a lot can happen in a week. Take a moment to think about all the highs and lows you may experience in a week’s time. Now think about why it may be important to clue your partner in.
Couples researcher Dr. John Gottman says, “When couples meet once a week for an hour (give or take), it drastically improves their relationship because it gives the relationship space to have constructive conflict and the partners an opportunity to get on the same team.”
If weeks turn to months, the opportunity to get your partner’s support or work through a problem could pass you by. Even if some weeks feel mundane or typical, check-ins can be a bright spot and a motivator to continue working toward goals or to simply put a smile on your partner’s face.
Tips for a successful couples check‑in or marriage check‑in
Life is busy. And often, our relationship health can take a backseat. Most couples acknowledge that these check-ins could benefit their relationship, but admit that many other things often get in the way. It can feel challenging to prioritize even the smallest slice of time to check in with your partner while juggling schedules, kids’ activities, volunteer roles, travel, and plans with friends.
Nonetheless, a consistent and prioritized check-in is critical. Like fostering other positive habits, such as workout routines or helping your kids with homework, creating new and positive habits takes time, adjustment, and flexibility. Here are a few tips on how you can make your relationship check-in worth your while:
Set a regular date and time
Consistency matters. Schedule a weekly couples check-in and protect that time like any other important commitment. It shows your relationship is a priority.
Eliminate distractions
Turn off notifications, put away devices, and find a moment when the kids are settled. Giving each other your full attention supports emotional connection.
Be curious—not critical
If your partner shares something vulnerable, try to listen with curiosity rather than critique. Ask open-ended questions and avoid “why” questions, which can often sound accusatory.
Use reflective listening
Repeat back what you heard your partner say to confirm understanding. Phrases like “It sounds like you’re saying…” or “Did I get that right?” can go a long way in building trust.
Avoid argumentative language
Keep an eye out for what the Gottman Institute calls the Four Horsemen: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. These can quickly create disconnection.
Take a break if you’re overwhelmed
If one or both of you starts feeling emotionally flooded, pause the check-in and take at least a 20-minute break. Return when you feel calm enough to continue the conversation constructively.
Don’t avoid hard topics—time them wisely
If certain issues feel too sensitive during your weekly check-in, agree to set them aside temporarily—but don’t ignore them. Bring them to therapy or a dedicated time when you and your partner can engage with support and care.
Ready to check in with your partner? Try this simple prompt each week and see how it supports an open dialogue and provides balance for discussing both positive and challenging areas in your relationship.
Weekly couples check-in framework and questions: CPR
Whether it’s your first time formally checking in with your partner or your 500th, just remember “CPR.” Even though we typically associate this acronym with a life-saving skill, it’s also a quick way to remember how to structure your check-in conversations. CPR helps you and your partner discuss both positive experiences and challenging areas you’ve experienced lately. You’ll use CPR to take turns sharing and listening.
C (Compliment)
Take a few minutes to compliment your partner and yourself on something that happened this past week.
- “You did an excellent job planning and making all the dinners this week.“
- “You handled that fight between the kids yesterday really well. I liked how you got them laughing and back to reading in just a few minutes.”
- “I’m proud of how I managed my work stress this week. I didn’t let it leak into our family time.”
- “I am so happy that I made time to get my massage. I needed that.”
P (Problem)
Try using a soft start-up to express a challenge you’re facing.
- “I recognize that I feel really overwhelmed on Wednesday nights when the kids have all their sports activities. I’d like to talk through how we can make that feel less stressful for me and us.”
- “I have been feeling really disconnected lately and miss hanging out, just the two of us. Can we make this a priority this week?”
- “I am a little worried about our finances going into the holidays. Can we sit down this week and talk about a gift budget?”
R (Resolution)
Share at least one thing you can each try to meet your partner’s need(s). Also, it helps to acknowledge and validate their feelings to start.
- “I know there is a lot that goes into preparing for all the kids’ weekly practices and activities. I can get all the kids’ gear together and put it in the car before we eat dinner. Will that help?”
- “I know I have been really consumed with work, and miss you too. I can definitely block some time off my calendar on Fridays to finish up earlier or for us to go have lunch or something. How’s Friday for you?
- “The holidays can be an expensive time of year, for sure. Yes, let’s talk about our budget on Sunday afternoon. How does that look?”
Ready to check in with your partner?
Weekly check-ins give you a chance to say, “Hey, how are we doing?” It’s not about perfection. It’s about predictable, intentional connection.
The benefit of doing a relationship check-in is that it gives you a recurring opportunity to build up trust and clear the air if something’s been off. It allows you and your partner to create a small moment of connection even in the midst of a busy week. A relationship check-in is one small tool that can help you keep learning and growing together.
We can help you and your partner have more fruitful check-ins. Our practice offers in-person appointments in Charlotte, NC, and Carefree, AZ. We also have virtual sessions available for those who live in Arizona, Florida, North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, and Vermont. Contact us to get started.
FAQs: Weekly Couples Check-Ins
Q: How long should a couples check-in last?
A: Most couples benefit from a 10–20 minute weekly check-in. Some spend 60 minutes if deeper issues come up. The key is consistency, not duration.
Q: What if one of us doesn’t like structure or feels awkward?
A: Start small. Just five minutes once a week can help. You can adapt the CPR framework or focus only on sharing one appreciation.
Q: What if check-ins lead to arguments or tension?
A: Set a few ground rules: speak with “I” statements, pause if things get heated, and stay curious. If conflict is frequent, a therapist can help facilitate healthier communication.
Q: Is this different from couples therapy?
A: Yes. While therapy offers deeper support, a weekly check-in is a self-led practice to maintain connection and prevent issues from growing.
Q: Can we do this if we’re in long-distance or virtual relationships?
A: Absolutely. Video calls or even voice memos can work. What matters most is showing up consistently with presence and honesty.