For years, so much of your shared life may have centered around raising your children. As they become more independent, this is an opportunity to look back at the family you built, notice how each of you has changed, and get curious about what you want this next chapter to look like — individually and together.
Before you begin
Set aside uninterrupted 30–45 minutes for each section. Put your phones away and take turns answering the questions rather than completing the entire worksheet separately.
It’s okay to discuss one section at a time and take a break. You and your partner can do one section over coffee, another one during date night, etc.
As your partner answers, try to listen with curiosity. Your job isn’t to explain, defend, correct, compare experiences, or solve anything. Your job is to understand your partner’s point of view.
You may be surprised by what you learn about someone you’ve shared a life with for years.
Part 1: Looking back
Before deciding what’s next, take some time to appreciate what you’ve already experienced and created together.
One of my favorite memories of raising our children is…
One of the things I think we did really well together as parents was…
Something I especially appreciated about you as a parent was…
One of the hardest parts of those years for me was…
Something about my parenting experience that you may not have fully realized was…
What I will miss most about this stage of our family life is…
What I won’t miss is…
One way raising our children changed me is…
Part 2: Rediscovering me
Parenthood asks us to make room for other people — sometimes leaving less room for parts of ourselves. As you enter this next stage, consider what you might want to rediscover, reclaim, or discover for the first time.
Something I put aside or made less room for while raising our family was…
A part of myself I’d like to reconnect with is…
Something I’ve wanted to learn, try, pursue, or experience is…
Something I would like more of in my life now is…
When I imagine having more room for this part of myself, I feel…
Part 3: Making room for each other
Now share what you discovered.
This is an opportunity to practice what Gottman Method Couples Therapy calls accepting influence: being willing to understand and take your partner’s feelings, needs, dreams, and perspective into consideration.
Accepting influence doesn’t mean you have to agree or automatically say yes. It means your partner’s experience matters and gets a voice in the life you create together.
Partner A shares
Tell your partner:
Something I want you to understand about what I put aside, sacrificed, or made less room for during our parenting years is…
Something I would like more room for in this stage of my life is…
Having this in my life would be meaningful to me because…
One way I would feel supported by you is…
Partner B listens
Before sharing your own perspective, reflect back what you heard:
What I hear you saying is…
Something about your perspective that makes sense to me is…
Something I understand better about you after hearing this is…
One way I can accept your influence and help make room for what matters to you is…
Now switch roles
Repeat the same conversation with Partner B sharing and Partner A listening.
Remember: You don’t have to want exactly the same things. The goal is to make sure both people’s wants, needs, and dreams have influence over the life you’re creating together.
Part 4: Rediscovering us
Now that you’ve talked about where you’ve been and what each of you wants individually, turn your attention toward your relationship.
Something I have missed about “us” is…
Something we used to do together that I’d love to bring back is…
Something new I’d like for us to experience together is…
I feel closest to you when…
Something I hope we have more of in our relationship during this next chapter is…
One thing I’m excited about is…
One thing I feel uncertain, nervous, or even a little sad about is…
Part 5: Looking forward
Imagine it’s three years from now. Your children have continued building their own lives, and you’re both genuinely enjoying this stage of yours.
Don’t worry about making the vision realistic yet. Just imagine it together.
What are we doing more of?
What does an ordinary weekend together look like?
How are we spending time together?
What are we each doing independently?
What have we made room for that we didn’t have room for before?
How do we handle it when one person’s wants or priorities are different from the other’s?
Most importantly, what does our relationship feel like?
One small step
You don’t have to reinvent your relationship — or your life — all at once.
After everything you’ve talked about, choose one small thing you want to do differently.
Something I want to make more room for in your life is…
Something I want us to make more room for in our relationship is…
One thing we will try, begin, revisit, or plan in the next month is…
One last question
Before you finish, look at your partner and answer this question out loud:
What are you most looking forward to experiencing with me in this next chapter?
Your children leaving home changes your family. It doesn’t mean your most meaningful years together are behind you.
You spent years building a family together. Now you have an opportunity to become curious about the two people who built it—to rediscover yourselves, make room for one another, and decide together what you’d like to build next.