Are you and your partner contemplating couples therapy but unsure if it’s the right choice for you? Do you feel like your marriage could be even better than it currently is? Every relationship is unique and there are different reasons for seeking couples therapy. We’ve gathered a list of key couples therapy questions to help you decide if it’s time to try couples therapy. Try out the 5-minute couples therapy quiz below. 

Couples Therapy Quiz

This quiz can help couples and individuals alike determine if couples therapy may be right for you. If you are curious whether couples therapy is the next step in your relationship, take the time to answer these questions for yourself, and if you are comfortable, share it with your partner. 

This quiz could be a conversation starter for both of you as you consider your relationship and possible areas to work on. The conversation may generate possible goals that you and your partner want to work on in therapy, so feel free to print the quiz out or make notes as you go!

Answer the following questions and then check your score at the bottom for more information:

    1. What’s the main reason you and your partner are considering couples therapy? 
      1. Better communication
      2. Conflict resolution
      3. Life transition
      4. Want to feel more connected to my partner 
    2. Have you and your partner ever discussed divorce?
      1. Yes, I mention divorce in arguments and intermittently in regular conversations.
      2. Yes, my partner mentions divorce as a possible outcome only during arguments.
      3. We both bring up divorce as a possible outcome in arguments.
      4. No, neither of us have ever considered divorce. 
    3. Are you and your partner spending quality time together?
      1. We go on dates but regularly do not have anything to discuss.
      2. No, getting childcare is too difficult or expensive.
      3. We enjoy spending time together but do not do it often. 
      4. Yes, we enjoy spending quality time together.  
    4. Are you comfortable discussing important topics with your partner? (e.g. parenting styles, finances, sex, division of labor, substance abuse)
      1. No, these are difficult and uncomfortable topics to discuss with each other. We used to discuss these topics, but nothing changed.
      2. Sometimes we can discuss important topics, but other times, we argue.
      3. I get annoyed hearing my partner share their perspective, but I want us to work on communicating.
      4. Yes, we can discuss anything with each other. 
    5. When you fight…
      1. We either give each other the silent treatment, or we don’t find success when talking it out.
      2. We often yell at each other.
      3. One or both of us walk away.
      4. We can share our perspectives or set a time to discuss things. 
    6. Has there been any unfaithfulness in your relationship (e.g. pornography, physical or emotional affair, sexual addiction)?
      1. Yes, there is currently cheating ongoing in our relationship. 
      2. Yes, emotional cheating has occurred, but the cheating has stopped.
      3. Yes, physical cheating has occurred, but the cheating has stopped.
      4. No, we have been faithful to each other. 
    7. Has there been a history or concern with alcohol or substance use?
      1. Yes, I see my partner’s alcohol or substance use as an issue, but they do not. 
      2. Yes, I see my alcohol and substance use as reasonable, but my partner thinks it’s an issue. 
      3. Yes, we both can see the role alcohol or substances have played in our marriage.
      4. No, there is no history or concern.  
    8. Have you and your partner tried couples therapy in the past? 
      1. No, we have not considered couples therapy before. 
      2. Yes, the therapist was not a good fit, or we did not get anything out of it. 
      3. No, I wanted to go to therapy, but my partner was uncomfortable, so I have been in individual therapy. 
      4. Yes, it was a great experience!

Couples therapy quiz results

Now that you have considered the dynamics of your relationship, either have a mental running tally of your answers or have them written in front of you. Take a minute to see what your primary answer choices were. 

If you mostly answered 1’s: 

You and your partner have a number of topics you regularly cannot discuss and often tend to feel stuck in your typical conflict and communication patterns. One or both of you frequently tend to feel alone, resentful, or both. These feelings indicate that you and your partner may need therapy to work through specific areas in your relationship and to feel connected again.

If your partner is not ready for couples therapy, individual therapy can be a great place to start. If divorce language is being used, where one of you wants to work on the relationship, and the other wants out, consider exploring discernment counseling. Discernment counseling is a great fit for couples who are not aligned on their therapy goals. This article on discernment counseling can help you see if discernment counseling is a good fit for you. 

If you mostly answered 2’s and 3’s:

You and your partner may not feel as close as you did in the past or may be in a life transition that makes connecting difficult. Couples therapy may be useful to help you both reconnect, work through past concerns, or discuss upcoming decisions as a couple. Reconnection therapy is a common and healthy practice for couples to tune up their relationship.

As partners go through life transitions such as marriage, loss, having children, or sending kids to college, there is typically additional stress, either temporary or long-term, as well as more crucial decisions for you both to process. Couples therapy or premarital counseling can be a safe place for couples to process and become aligned. 

If you mostly answered 4’s:

You and your partner acknowledge topics such as quality time, commitment, trust, or substance abuse that you both may need to communicate about. You both see that all aspects of your relationship need transparency and require work. You and your partner are aligned and are communicating well.

Couples therapy may be helpful if you and your partner have a specific goal or life decision you are grappling with. Otherwise, you and your partner may decide that you are in a healthy place. Still, a relationship enrichment activity, such as a couples workshop could be fun and continue enhancing your connection.

How to find the right couples therapist 

You may have noticed there are many reasons couples may pursue couples therapy. If you and your partner are considering divorce, struggling to communicate, or have a history of infidelity, couples therapy can provide a safe space to explore these issues.

Couples therapy can also be helpful if you and your partner communicate well but want to better align on certain areas of your relationship. Even if you are unsure what areas need a tune-up, a couple’s therapist can work with you to explore different aspects of your relationship with a Gottman questionnaire in the intake process. 

Couples therapy is a gift to strengthen your relationship. If this quiz piqued your interest or unlocked possible reasons for you and your partner to pursue couples therapy, contact us to learn more. Our practice offers in-person appointments in Charlotte, NC, and Carefree, AZ. We also have virtual sessions available for those who live in Arizona, Florida, North Carolina, South Carolina, or Texas.