Welcome to the inaugural post of our Therapist Resource Roundup, where we provide valuable insights and tools for navigating complex emotional challenges. In this edition, we focus on the sensitive theme of infidelity—a profound issue many couples face, whether through physical or emotional betrayal.
The pain and trauma associated with infidelity can leave deep scars, often leading to symptoms of PTSD and questions about the possibility of forgiveness. If your relationship has suffered from betrayal, know that healing and restoration of trust are achievable through therapy. This article defines the various types of infidelity and then dives into seven highly recommended resources from our clinicians to support you and your partner on the journey toward infidelity recovery.
Defining infidelity
Infidelity, often defined as a breach of trust in romantic relationships, can take many forms. Recognizing the different types is essential for understanding its impact on relationships. Understanding these distinctions is crucial, especially when discussing the nuances of terms like “infidelity vs cheating,” as not all betrayals carry the same weight or consequences.
5 main types of infidelity
There are many types and definitions of infidelity—including adultery, cheating, betrayal, and beyond. Below are the five main types of infidelity that we’ll focus on.
- Emotional infidelity: Involves forming a deep emotional connection with someone outside the primary relationship, often leading to a strong bond without physical intimacy.
- Physical infidelity: Characterized by sexual encounters with someone outside the committed relationship, it often carries the most stigma and hurt.
- Online infidelity: Engaging in romantic or sexual conversations through text, social media, or dating apps without physical contact.
- Micro-cheating: Involves small acts that suggest you are emotionally or romantically involved with someone else, like secret text messages or flirtatious interactions.
- Romantic infidelity or affair: This encompasses not only sexual interactions but also dating or spending significant time with another person in a romantic context.
Whichever type of infidelity you’re facing, our therapists have seven key resources to help your healing and recovery.
Book: Not “Just Friends” Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity by Shirley Glass, PhD
This book is best for couples who struggle with infidelity — both the betrayed and the one who stepped outside the relationship.
Top takeaways from therapist Dr. Faith Drew…
Not “Just Friends”… is particularly helpful as it takes the perspective of both individuals in the relationship (and even the Affair Partner). The text walks you through various stages: the slippery slope, the trauma, the search for meaning, and the infidelity healing journey. This book is comprehensive, so you’ll probably want to review some chapters multiple times. While it’s not a light read, it’s an essential resource for anyone who has experienced a betrayal and is looking to heal from infidelity.
Book: Healing from Infidelity by Michele Weiner-Davis
This book is best for couples in the crisis phase of infidelity recovery who are looking for tangible step-by-step guides for how to move forward in healthy and helpful ways.
Top takeaways from therapist Anna Malles…
Healing from Infidelity is an excellent book for couples in the crisis phase of infidelity recovery. It’s beneficial for couples looking for a tangible step-by-step guide that outlines healthy ways to move forward. It speaks to the experiences of both the betrayed and betraying partners. This book helps couples process all the emotions involved in the betrayal.
Couples will learn how to communicate their pain to maintain safe boundaries and build connection. I love that it spends so much time discussing how to feel and navigate the deep shame both partners often carry during the infidelity recovery process. This particular process can be one of the most challenging aspects of healing.
Book: What Makes Love Last by John Gottman, PhD and Nan Silver
This book is helpful for the betrayer and the betrayed.
Top takeaways from therapist Hanna Rose…
What Makes Love Last is a great resource for understanding the fundamental aspects of a healthy relationship and how couples may find themselves in an adulterous relationship. The book doesn’t make excuses for the betrayer, rather, the text expands on the “how did we get here” question with research and insight. Couples will benefit from the road map for recovering from infidelity and learn how to rebuild trust.
Podcast: Helping Couples Heal (episodes with Dr. Omar Minwalla)
This podcast is helpful when both partners are committed to the affair recovery process.
Top takeaways from therapist Dr. George Bitar…
Dr. Omar Minwalla discusses the notion of “integrity abuse,” which is not typically highlighted in other recovery resources. Dr. Minwalla describes integrity abuse as “intentionally preventing others from knowing the truth. It prohibits partners from being able to respond in healthy ways based on being informed about their reality.”
The impact, then, on the partner typically involves complex-PTSD symptoms. Understanding these dynamics can help create greater compassion, understanding, and patience with the recovery process.
YouTube: Affair Recovery – Survivor Blog
This YouTube series is helpful for both the betrayed and betrayer.
Top takeaways from therapist Kelsee White…
This online video blog is beneficial as it provides testimony and tips on infidelity recovery from individuals and couples who have experienced the trauma of an affair. It tackles topics common in affair recovery, such as intrusive thoughts, ambivalence about the marriage, intimacy, triggers, and beyond.
I like that the videos on any given topic are usually about 10-15 minutes long. This duration provides just enough information to spark some processing but not too much to where one might feel overwhelmed. Couples typically report that it gives them something tangible between sessions to listen to, and it’s great for those who might not be big readers.
Book: The State of Affairs by Esther Perel
This book is helpful for couples struggling with infidelity who want to better understand why affairs happen and how to move forward.
Top takeaways from intake coordinator Kaitlyn Stickley…
This book explores why affairs happen so often and what goes into an affair. Perel helps the reader to understand that, for the betrayer, while affairs are an act of betrayal, they are also expressions of longing and loss. Perel also shares that, for the betrayed, an affair can bring about a change in identity as one questions their memory of the past.
Overall, The State of Affairs emphasizes how important it is for couples in the healing process to explore the meaning and motives of the affair. It’s a helpful read for those who want to understand both perspectives of an affair and explore healing.
Podcast: Helping Couples Heal
This podcast can help both the betrayer and the betrayed. It also gives more specifics about sexual addiction.
Top takeaways from therapist Danae Kauffman…
The Helping Couples Heal podcast can help the betrayed partner realize they have experienced trauma. It also helps the betrayer understand their behavioral impact on their partner. The content offers great metaphors and resources to the couple as they try to make sense of the betrayal and their role. One great takeaway would be the 4 circle plan, which expands on traditional addiction recovery by adding a 4th space to consider the people the betraying partner has impacted.
Can a marriage recover from infidelity?
While these infidelity resources are a helpful starting place, we can help with relationship repair and refining your recovery process. We offer in-person and virtual sessions if you are ready to schedule an appointment and live in Arizona, North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee, or Texas. Contact us to get started.