Last Updated on January 29, 2025
How many couples are ready, willing, and able to commit an entire weekend to their relationship? Months ago, I found myself in an interesting position trying to answer this question. At the time, I was a new employee of Connect Couples Therapy* who had just learned that one of my employment benefits was participating in the Art and Science of Love workshop. My husband and I briefly discussed it, marked our calendars, and tucked the commitment into the back of our minds.
Fast-forward a few months, and our weekends began to fill up quickly. We started questioning whether we should have committed an entire weekend to The Art and Science of Love workshop and, ultimately, to a relationship we thought was working just fine for us. After a bit of debate, my husband and I entered the workshop weekend with a mix of intrigue and apprehension. However, by the end of the workshop, we gained a fresh perspective on our relationship and a deeper appreciation for what makes us so special.
What is the Art and Science of Love workshop?
The Art and Science of Love workshop is a two-day weekend event that provides a practical crash course in Gottman Method theories for conflict resolution. It is offered in two formats: in-person workshops and virtual options by Certified Gottman Therapists – The Gottman Institute hosts a virtual workshop every few months. The workshop is designed to help you and your partner strengthen your relationship and build skills for managing conflict when it arises.
Our virtual workshop was led by Dr. Faith Drew, and Dr. George Bitar, married marriage and family therapists who are Gottman Certified and have years of experience running the Art and Science of Love workshops for hundreds of couples. All of the lectures, information, and exercises are backed by 40 years of science and research done by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. The combined experience between the workshop facilitators and creators was impressive—my husband and I felt like we were learning from true experts.
What do I need to participate in the virtual workshop?
Full disclosure: My husband prefers to have details upfront. Therefore, he felt a little uneasy signing up for a workshop he initially knew little about other than what I had told him. He felt unprepared and nervous about being vulnerable in front of an unknown number of couples. He repeatedly asked me how he could prepare. Being a first-timer for the workshop myself, I couldn’t give him explicit answers. Then, we received the “toolbox” in the mail.
The Art and Science of Love workshop toolbox
The toolbox It felt like a relationship goodie box. Every couple participating in The Art and Science of Love workshop receives a box of comprehensive materials to utilize during the workshop, including:
- Couples workbooks, one for each individual in the couple
- You can take notes, follow along during lessons, and always look back to revisit information.
- Repair checklist
- This checklist includes neutral, descriptive prompts you can use throughout the process, as well as a visual guide to The Four Horsemen and their antidotes.
- Aftermath of a Fight Booklet
- A guidebook to repair, apologize, and move forward after having a fight
- Card decks
- 7 card decks filled with conversation starters, intimate questions, ideas for connection, and romantic suggestions to foster discussions with your partner on various personal topics. We especially loved these as we constantly seek ways to discover more about each other.
It was really exciting to go through the box together and discuss how we thought each card deck could be integrated into the workshop. Before the workshop started, we explored conversations we had never had before.
Workshop prep
Because The Art and Science of Love workshop is meant to be an “all-in” focus on your relationship, it is highly suggested that you plan for necessary support, such as child care and pet care. The intent is to reserve the entire weekend for just you and your partner.
At first, my husband and I planned to do things in the evenings, since the workshops run from around 8 a.m. to 3 p.m. But after going through our first day, we decided to stay in and truly dedicate the weekend time to each other. Afterward, we were so grateful we had taken the suggestions seriously. The workshop is very much a “you get out of it what you put into it” opportunity.
Day 1 of the Art and Science of Love Workshop: Friendship
The first day of The Art and Science of Love Workshop is all about friendship. The goal of Day 1 is to increase positive feelings and admiration for one another. You learn about some of the Gottman theories for making relationships work, including The Sound Relationship House, Lovemaps, Turning Towards, and Sex, Passion, and Romance.
As a couple, you learn from the facilitators who explain these theories and then model role-playing exercises that are meant to increase fondness and appreciation. After the example is shown, we paused our screens and took timed breaks to walk through the exercise ourselves.
Do you know what makes your partner tick?
To be honest, I felt a little cynical walking into Day 1. I already felt like my husband and I had a friendship. After all, our relationship started with three years of being “just friends.” So, I was surprised to feel such affirmation and value from the first day’s exercises. It had been a long time since my husband and I intentionally shared the “why” behind our “I love you.”
I had always felt so in tune with what my husband liked and wanted, but he shared goals and visions that I didn’t know he valued. We realized we never slowed down and investigated what made the other person tick.
One exercise, in particular, opened the door to a lengthy conversation after the first day about the little things we did for each other that stood out daily. Something as simple as putting my dishes directly into the dishwasher instead of placing them in the sink filled my husband with appreciation and satisfaction. That small act sparked a list of little things that made the other feel loved.
Day 2 of the Art and Science of Love Workshop: Conflict management
Day 2 delves into the world of conflict management. The facilitators discuss topics like negative emotions, perpetual problems, flooding, and fights. All couples are thoughtfully guided through grounding and relaxation before exploring the two big exercises: perpetual problems and regrettable incidents.
I really appreciated how intentional the facilitators were about creating a calm and safe environment for participants who were about to engage in challenging conversations. While this day was much harder than the first, we truly felt like a team and were able to break the conversations down into palatable bites.
What’s the root of your perpetual problem?
The biggest challenge of the second day regards the “perpetual problem.” A perpetual problem is an issue that feels like it can never be resolved. It may be a conversation that repeatedly comes up, usually due to either a fundamental personality difference or a difference in lifestyle needs.
My husband and I stirred up my perpetual problem as recently as the night before the workshop. I get flooded easily and struggle to articulate my emotions, wants, and needs. The workshop gave me the language and space to think about what I wanted to say, what we both needed, and how to compromise. The workshop activities allowed us to get to the roots of our wants, needs, and behaviors.
When you are in the throes of an argument, the last thing on your mind is usually your partner’s needs. We naturally want to advocate for and defend ourselves. This workshop gave us tools that reminded us we were on the same team and that there were reasons behind every action in our relationship.
Was the Art and Science of Love workshop worth it?
At 25 years old, I never imagined that a love workshop would benefit me. However, the 2-day virtual Art and Science of Love workshop was one of the highlights of my year. It’s said that the two days are equivalent to six months of couples therapy.
Even now, more than a month after the workshop, the exercises come in handy on a daily basis. Now, when we have a fight or tense conversation, I find myself reaching for prompts given during the workshop that help me articulate my feelings and listen deeply to my husband. When I asked my husband how he felt about the workshop, he said “It feels like I got to get to know you all over again, and I already knew so much about you.” If you are thinking about doing a workshop, I highly encourage it!
The Gottman Institute offers the Art and Science of Love workshop every few months. You can register for upcoming Art and Science of Love workshops here.
If you are struggling in your relationship, our practice offers in-person appointments in Charlotte, NC, and Carefree, AZ. We also have virtual sessions available for those who live in Arizona, Florida, North Carolina, South Carolina, or Texas. Contact us to get started.
*The author is an employee of Connect Couples Therapy who was compensated to share her honest testimonial.