Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! You and your fiance are undoubtedly experiencing an exciting time filled with anticipation and dreams for married life. You’re not alone if your engagement includes wedding-related stress and distractions that hinder focused time and open dialogue with your fiance. Even though wedding bells may be around the corner, it’s crucial to address individual expectations and assumptions of premarital expectations. This guide includes two sets of premarital questions to help you start married life with a strong foundation.
Do we need to discuss marriage expectations?
Yes! While premarital conversations can sometimes feel uncomfortable or choppy, unspoken expectations can create tension and misunderstandings within a relationship. When you and your fiance openly discuss hidden expectations or unexpressed assumptions, you can avoid resentment and disappointment down the road. These conversations will set you up for success on this journey together.
In addition to discussing future expectations, it’s also important to get on the same page with how you both feel about common marital myths.
Premarital questionnaire: Marriage myth-busting
It’s common for couples to have fantasies about what marriage should look like. In our Prepare/Enrich Premarital Program, we discuss universal marriage myths.
Premarital questionnaire exercise: Myth-busting
Time: 20 minutes
Instructions: Sit down with your partner and walk through the myths below. Take turns discussing how each of you approaches the statements below.
Consider: What would you feel if this did or didn’t occur in your marriage? Do these statements honor yourself or your fiance?
- Time will resolve our problems.
- If I have to ask my partner to say or do something, it is not as meaningful.
- Keeping secrets about my past or present is acceptable if it would only cause pain for my partner.
- Less romance means we have less love for one another.
- Our relationship will remain the same.
- My partner’s interest in sex will be the same as mine.
- We will do things just like my family did.
- Nothing could cause us to question our love for one another.
- I believe I know everything there is to know about my partner.
- Love is all you need for a great marriage.
- It is better to keep silent about something bothering me than to cause unnecessary problems in our relationship.
Premarital connection: 15 questions that will bring you closer to your fiance
When you dedicate time to discuss each other’s hopes, dreams, and desires for the future, you create an understanding of each other’s expectations. These premarital questions can bring you closer as a couple, align your visions, and help you find common ground.
Premarital questions: Connect with your fiance
Time: 30 minutes
Instructions: Sit down with your partner and address each question aloud. Take turns sharing your answer, giving your fiance ample time to express their uninterrupted thoughts and feelings.
Consider: If the conversation feels stressful, take a break or try tactics aligned with a stress-reducing conversation.
- What does marriage mean to you?
- Why did you choose me to marry out of all people?
- What do you love about me?
- When do you feel the most connected to me?
- When do you feel appreciated in this relationship?
- Are you concerned there will be times in our relationship when either of us will choose family or friends over each other?
- If divorce is part of your family history, how might it impact our relationship?
- Do you want to resolve an issue right away, or do you need time to think things through?
- How was conflict addressed in your home growing up?
- What are your hopes for your future? Personally and professionally?
- If you desire a family or children, and we have difficulty conceiving, what are your thoughts about IVF or adoption (or other options)?
- How do you like to be taken care of when you’re sick?
- What is the best way for me to initiate sex?
- What is the best way to positively decline a sexual proposition if I’m not up for it?
- Which chores do you enjoy, and what household responsibilities do you dislike?
These questions will help you and your fiance better understand each other’s core values and beliefs. When you and your fiance navigate marital expectations, you’ll create a strong foundation for a lasting and fulfilling relationship.
Premarital counseling is for strong couples.
Premarital counseling can provide valuable guidance and support. A therapist specializing in couples counseling can help you and your fiance facilitate essential discussions, address potential challenges, and provide tools to navigate them.
Seeking professional guidance demonstrates your commitment to building a strong foundation for your future together.
Schedule an appointment today if you want to incorporate this guidance into your engagement journey. Our therapists offer in-person and virtual appointments and are available if you live in Arizona, North Carolina, South Carolina, or Texas.