Many couples enter into therapy desperately wanting to reconnect with their partner. One complaint we hear often is, “We just don’t have fun together anymore!” For many relationships, fun couples activities can get put on the back-burner pretty quickly for a multitude of reasons: work/community responsibilities, financial strain, health concerns, kids activities — the list goes on and on. While juggling busy schedules can be challenging, what’s more important to focus on is why fun is so important in relationships?
What we generally find is that couples simply miss the feelings they experience when having fun together. Fun couples activities can infuse your partnership with laughter, playfulness, and joy. When you have fun with your partner, you nurture a deep sense of intimacy and emotional connection through having an attitude of openness to experience new and exciting things together. According to research, having fun together can have multiple benefits! Fun couples activities can help couples feel more positive emotions in their relationship, increase overall relationship satisfaction, enable you and your partner to unite to overcome differences, and give hope when working through complex challenges.
It is clear that finding ways to infuse fun into your relationship is essential to a thriving and fulfilling romantic connection. Addressing barriers and exploring what fun means to you in your relationship can help couples reclaim their sense of playfulness and reignite the spark. But you might be asking yourself,
Ok, so how do we start having more fun?
Well, in order to know how to have more fun moving forward, understanding why the fun got put on pause is a great place to begin.
Why and when did we stop having fun?
There are many reasons why couples might stop having fun together. Each couple has their own set of unique circumstances that can lead to a drop in the fun factor. Here are a few common reasons you may see a decrease in the fun or playfulness in your relationship:
- Stress and busyness: Couples often get caught up in the stress of daily life, which can leave little time or energy for fun activities.
- Routine and boredom: Couples may fall into a pattern or get stuck in a rut doing the same old things. While routine is essential, even comfortable, it can lead to boredom and a lack of excitement in the relationship.
- Lack of communication: Communication is vital to a healthy relationship. Couples who do not communicate effectively may have difficulty connecting emotionally and having fun together.
- Trouble resolving conflict: Resentment, anger, and conflict can create a negative atmosphere in a relationship, making it difficult for couples to enjoy each other’s company and have fun.
- Neglecting the relationship: When couples don’t prioritize their relationship, it can suffer. A deprioritized relationship can lead to a lack of intimacy and a diminished sense of closeness, making it hard to enjoy fun couples activities.
Couples need to recognize these potential barriers to having fun in their relationship and take steps to address them. You can address these barriers by intentionally setting aside time for fun couples activities, trying new things together, working on communication skills, finding effective ways to resolve conflict, or prioritizing your relationship. By identifying and addressing these issues, you can begin restoring the fun in your relationships and strengthen the bond.
The science of fun and friendship in your relationship
“Fun and friendship” are the foundation of thriving romantic relationships. Drs. John and Julie Gottman, creators of Gottman Method Couples Therapy, have researched couples’ relationships for decades and continually find that the most satisfied couples are great friends.
The Gottman Method is a couples therapy approach developed by the Gottmans, which focuses on improving communication, managing conflict, and increasing intimacy in relationships. A key component of the Gottman Method is that a strong friendship is the foundation of a healthy, long-lasting relationship.
You can restore fun and friendship by regularly engaging in activities that promote positive emotions, such as joy, laughter, and playfulness. Before you schedule your next date night or couples activity, keep in mind these four fundamental principles of the Gottman method:
- Build shared experiences: Couples should try to regularly engage in activities they both enjoy, such as cooking together, going for a hike, or watching a movie.
- Turn toward each other: According to the Gottmans, happy couples are responsive to each other’s emotional needs. You can do this by actively listening to your partner and showing them that you are interested. For example, respond with enthusiasm and interest when your partner tells you a funny experience they had during the day.
- Practice playfulness: Embrace your playful side! You can get playful by engaging in silly banter, sharing a funny GIF, or trying new and adventurous activities together.
- Build a culture of appreciation: Express gratitude and appreciation for your partner. Couples should regularly acknowledge each other’s positive qualities, express gratitude for their efforts, and celebrate their accomplishments.
By implementing these principles, couples can work toward restoring fun and friendship into their relationship and cultivate a stronger and more intimate connection.
Restore your relationship with these fun couples activities
We asked our Connect Couples community on social media how they generate fun in their relationships. And they delivered! Check out the breakdown and some ideas for each category below:
“Relax and Chill”
- Look at old photos, yearbooks, etc.
- Introduce each other to your favorite movies, bands, songs, etc.
- Binge-watch a series on your favorite streaming service
- Listen to a podcast together
“Get Competitive”
- Have fun couples board game night
- Go to the local arcade
- Try active games like pickleball, “steps-challenge” with Apple watch, bowling, mini-golf
- Ax throwing
“Create Together”
- Take a class like cooking, pottery, or painting
- Refurbish an older piece of furniture together
- Plant a vegetable garden together
“Get Adventurous”
- Go rock climbing
- Go-kart racing
- Hiking
- Plan an exciting trip together
Ready to have some fun?
As you can see, the possibilities are endless to restore some fun in your relationship! One key to securing more fun in your relationship is to set a time and date and stick to it. If having more fun is a goal of your relationship, doing this will help hold you both accountable and give you and your partner something to look forward to.
If you are hitting some roadblocks trying to interject fun into your relationship, we can help. Schedule an appointment with us if you reside in NC, AZ, SC, or TX.