It can be difficult to notice when drinking becomes a problem, especially when it’s someone you love. Whether it’s subtle increases over time or patterns that have become concerning, you might feel unsure about how to bring it up. It’s natural to worry about damaging the relationship, but addressing drinking habits early, with care and compassion, can actually strengthen your connection.
If you’re wondering how to talk to your partner about their drinking, here are some therapist-approved strategies to help guide the conversation.
Signs your partner’s drinking may be impacting the relationship
Before starting a conversation, it’s important to notice the specific ways drinking is affecting your relationship. Some common signs include:
- Increased arguments or tension after drinking
- Missed responsibilities or broken commitments
- Changes in intimacy or emotional closeness
- Financial stress related to alcohol use
- Feeling anxious, resentful, or disconnected
Recognizing these patterns helps you approach the discussion with clarity and compassion.
How to prepare for a supportive conversation
When discussing a sensitive topic like drinking, preparation is crucial, and a soft start-up can be a great help. Here’s how you can set yourself up for a healthier dialogue:
Reflect on your intentions
Ask yourself: What is my goal for this conversation?
Focus on expressing your feelings and concerns rather than trying to control or accuse your partner.
Choose the right time and place
Pick a time when you’re both calm, sober, and not distracted. Privacy helps create a safe, judgment-free environment.
Use “I” statements
Instead of placing blame, share your personal experiences:
- “I feel worried when you drink heavily because I notice you seem more distant.”
- “I miss our time together when drinking takes over our evenings.”
Therapist tip: Using “I” statements lowers defensiveness and keeps the conversation grounded in care.
What to expect during the conversation
Even with the best preparation, emotions can run high. Your partner may feel embarrassed, defensive, or even dismissive at first. Try to:
- Stay calm and steady, even if emotions rise.
- Validate their feelings without minimizing your own.
- Emphasize that you’re coming from a place of love, not judgment.
If the conversation stalls, it’s okay to suggest pausing and revisiting later. Sometimes, planting the seed is a meaningful first step.
When to seek additional support
If your partner’s drinking continues to impact your relationship despite honest conversations, you may benefit from professional support. Couples therapy can help you navigate complex issues like alcohol use, communication struggles, and trust repair in a guided, safe environment.
At Connect Couples Therapy, we specialize in helping couples reconnect, even through tough challenges. We offer in-person therapy in Charlotte, NC and Carefree, AZ, as well as virtual sessions for residents of Arizona, Florida, North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee, and Texas. Contact us to get started today.
FAQs about talking to your partner about drinking
What if my partner denies there’s a problem?
Denial is common. Stay grounded in your experience and suggest checking in with a professional together.
How can couples therapy help with drinking issues?
Therapists can help you both understand underlying issues, build better communication, and create a plan for healing — together.
Should I give ultimatums?
Ultimatums often lead to power struggles. Instead, focus on setting clear, compassionate boundaries that protect your emotional safety.