We’ve all heard that cultivating gratitude is good for our mental health and relationships, and research backs this up. Drs. John and Julie Gottman, world-renowned relationship experts, have found that couples who regularly express gratitude and appreciation for one another experience greater relationship satisfaction and resilience. Gratitude really matters in a relationship because it helps build a positive connection between partners, creating a foundation of trust and emotional intimacy.
However, despite knowing the benefits, our brains are wired to focus on the negative—a phenomenon known as negativity bias. This bias is an evolutionary trait: we once scanned our environment for danger as a survival skill. Yet now, the same trait causes us to pay more attention to negative experiences or potential threats, often at the expense of noticing the positive aspects of our lives and relationships. In a relationship, negativity bias can show up as focusing on your partner’s mistakes, overlooking their positive behaviors, or taking positive or pleasant moments for granted. Over time, this can erode the emotional connection between partners, making it harder to maintain a healthy, fulfilling relationship.
This is why intentionally cultivating gratitude is so important. It’s a challenge worth taking on because it helps retrain our brains to focus on the positive, which can improve the dynamic in our relationships. I’m not talking about overlooking the real negative issues for the sake of being positive (i.e., toxic positivity). Instead, I encourage you to train your brain to look for the good amidst hardship. By actively practicing gratitude, we counterbalance negativity bias and create a more positive, supportive environment in our relationships.
To help you get started, we challenged our team to test various gratitude resources and share their experiences. We gave them a budget of $25 to select something to try and report whether it helped them increase gratitude. From books to journals, the following list highlights what they used, along with their personal experiences and insights. These resources have been put to the test, and we’re excited to share them with you to help you build a more grateful life.
Notepad: Knock Knock What I Love About You Today
This resource is most helpful for couples where at least one partner is neurodivergent (i.e., ASD, ADHD) or someone who needs concrete steps.
Top takeaways from therapist Danae Kauffman
This resource helped provide concrete options for sharing appreciation with your partner. The Knock Knock pad breaks it down into chunks to consider what you want to appreciate about your partner, but it also gives the space to personalize with blanks and the option of a note at the end.
I wished the pad had a magnet on the back to keep it in a place like the refrigerator where it would always catch your eye. (Pro tip: If you’re good at DYI, buy some magnetic tape and attach it to the back.) There are 60 pages for numerous opportunities for partners to name, write, and share appreciation. Partners can put the Knock Knock notes in place for their partner to see, like the car, lunch, or bathroom mirror. I also wish the pad had a couple of different formats for variety.
Overall, it is a great tool to connect with your partner and name areas of appreciation. It was motivating to have certain appreciations to shoot for with my partner, though I am not sure I attained gratitude superhero status!
Additional info:
The typical cost of this item on Amazon is $17.15, but on the Knock Knock store, it is $8.99. The time commitment of this resource varies based on how in-depth you want to be. Writing a note can range from one to five minutes. It is a tactile resource marketed for putting in lunches or other places to surprise or share appreciation with your partner.
Another option to try would be the random acts of kindness Knock Knock pad.
Journal: Clever Fox Gratitude Journal
This resource is most helpful for someone who wants to start a morning gratitude routine but doesn’t know where to begin.
Top takeaways from Community Connector, Mercy Clark
This gratitude journal was a great resource to use every morning. It pairs well with a cup of coffee and a quiet corner. Each page has four questions that encourage thoughtful reflection and response. There were days I struggled to find things to be grateful for. However, after spending time with the journal prompts and reflecting on the positive things in my life, I always gained a new perspective.
Each day calls for a morning and evening entry to reflect on your day. I only dedicated my mornings to this journal and would answer the previous day’s “evening reflection” along with my morning entry. This helped me exercise recall and create a space of gratitude for the new day and fresh start that is morning, which is not always guaranteed but given.
Additional info:
The total cost is $24.37 after tax and shipping. At the end of each week, there is a unique set of reflection questions. The journal also comes with stickers if you like visual motivation and self-expression. The questions are great conversation starters for a partner or spouse.
Book: Choosing Gratitude: Your Journey to Joy
This resource is most helpful for people who are a part of the Christian faith looking for ways to think more positively about life and have an overall attitude shift towards more gratitude.
Top takeaways from therapist Hanna Rose
The first few chapters were difficult to power through, but the material became much more practical by the fourth chapter. I found myself thinking about the book throughout my day and even infusing parts of it into everyday conversations. It made me more aware of my attitude and positively shifted my perspective. I definitely recommend it.
Additional info:
It’s available on Kindle and paperback.
Journal: Grateful Heart Journal
This resource is most helpful for anyone looking to self-reflect and jot down their thoughts using a journal that is aesthetically pleasing and organized with minimal prompts.
Top takeaways from therapist Faith Drew
I was really looking forward to finding a journal that would provide structure without feeling overwhelming or just another task. There are so many gratitude journals available, but what sold me on this one was its simplicity, the organization of the pages, and, honestly, the soothing color. The quality is excellent—it’s hardbound with a ribbon to mark where you left off.
From a practical perspective, the biggest challenge I faced was carving out time to use it. Once I actually opened the journal, saw the prompt, “Today I am grateful for…,” and started writing, I was done in just a few minutes. But the real challenge was getting to a place where I could focus without distractions. I found myself making entries every other day, and it was particularly helpful in shifting me from a frantic, worried state to a more appreciative and calm mindset.
I usually walked away from the exercise feeling uplifted and, well, grateful. I tend to think about the next task, how to improve something, or what to make for dinner—my mind constantly jumps from one thing to the next as I juggle work and home life. But taking just 5-10 minutes for intentional reflection gave me an energy boost and helped me slow down, making me more aware of all the good things in my life, even amid real stressors.
It seems that journaling is more of an individual activity; however, I can see the real benefit of turning towards your partner at the end of the day or week and sharing what you reflected on and how it made you feel, especially if your partner is someone you have felt grateful for.
Additional info:
I purchased it on Etsy for $23.95, but with shipping, it totaled $31.13, so I went over budget due to the shipping costs. The journal took about four days to arrive. It would make a lovely gift.
Need additional support in cultivating gratitude? Find a therapist.
Incorporating gratitude into your daily life is more than just a feel-good exercise; it’s a powerful way to counteract the brain’s natural negativity bias and foster stronger, healthier relationships. The resources we’ve shared—from insightful books to practical journals and notepads—are all tools our team found helpful in prioritizing gratitude. As you explore these options, remember that intentionality is the key to cultivating gratitude.
Whether you spend a few minutes each day jotting down what you’re thankful for or use a guided journal to reflect on positive moments, these small, intentional efforts can lead to big changes in your mindset and relationships. We hope these resources inspire you to take on the challenge of gratitude and experience its positive impact on your life and relationships.
If you find cultivating gratitude more challenging because there are distressing feelings or unresolved conflicts that are barriers to gratitude, we can help. Our practice offers in-person appointments in Charlotte, NC, and Carefree, AZ. We also have virtual sessions available for those who live in Arizona, Florida, North Carolina, South Carolina, or Texas. Contact us to get started.