Getting married is an incredible endeavor—you and your fiancé may be picking out flowers, music, and plenty of food. However, amidst all the wedding planning, many couples overlook important financial discussions crucial for setting their marriage on the right path. Financial disagreements, often stemming from issues such as undisclosed debts and financial secrecy, are the second leading cause of divorce after infidelity. While money matters may not be the most glamorous topic, aligning on budgeting and finances is vital for fostering open communication and trust in a relationship.
Whether with your partner at a coffee shop or with a therapist, take the time to have each of these financial conversations with your partner before you say, “I do.” You can dive in with each conversation in one go or carve out time to discuss each topic throughout your engagement.
In each topic, you will notice that there are some possible conversation starters to spark the conversation for you and your partner.
1. Be transparent about your balances, debts, and financial obligations.
The first conversation an engaged couple should have is a big-picture discussion about each partner’s financial situation. This includes debt, credit score, inheritance, school loans, accumulated wealth, and mortgages. Both partners must understand what assets and debts they bring into the marriage. Ask your partner whether they have ever defaulted on a loan, filed for bankruptcy, have alimony payments, or fallen behind on a line of credit. Similarly, it’s helpful to ask questions about retirement, inheritance, and savings so you and your partner have a holistic snapshot of each other.
Be open and honest in these financial discussions with your partner—don’t keep secrets. Even if the secret seems insignificant or something you’d rather avoid, your partner needs to be informed so that both of you can enter into the marriage with full awareness. No one wants to feel deceived, so it’s important to be forthright from the beginning.
When discussing your finances with your partner, consider whether a prenuptial agreement (prenup) would be beneficial. This legal document outlines how assets would be divided in case of a divorce and can be important if one or both partners have significant wealth before getting married. It’s a personal decision whether to pursue a prenuptial agreement, but if you and your partner are considering one, seek legal advice.
Questions to ask your fiancé about financial obligations:
- What debt do you carry? (i.e., credit cards, student loans, mortgage, etc.)
- Do you hope to be debt-free or carry some debt at all times?
- Are there any assets I am unaware of that impact your financial situation? (i.e., inheritance, trust, etc.)
- What is your credit score?
- Have you ever filed for bankruptcy?
- Are you interested in a prenuptial agreement? If so, what makes it important to you?
- Under what circumstances would you want a postnuptial agreement signed
2. Decide whether and how you’ll combine finances after marriage.
Another conversation an engaged couple needs to have before getting married is whether they plan to combine finances. While the couple may be living together and successfully managing finances apart, this may not be each partner’s vision for the future. Make space for explicit and overt conversations so that you and your partner are on the same page.
You and your partner may want to discuss the current division of finances and household income. You may want to consider adding each other to bank accounts, creating a joint account that you both contribute to, or keeping your finances separate.
How to talk to your fiancé about combining finances:
- How do you envision our finances once married? (i.e., combined, separate, or a joint account for bills)
- Do you want to have complete visibility of all of our financial accounts?
- Are there any accounts or assets you do not want to combine?
- Do we both contribute to bills and savings? Is there a percentage based on what we each earn? (i.e., 60/40, 70/30, or 50/50)?
- How do you spend your nonessential funds?
- Do you want to have autonomy with nonessential spending when we are married? Or would you rather set a joint discretionary budget?
- Is there ever a time that you would change (based on life events) your preference to combine or keep finances separate?
3. Create a household budget.
A budget provides you and your partner with a clear overview of your finances over a specific period, whether it’s a month or a year. It helps you understand your combined income and expenses. You’ll need to decide whether to split the costs of utilities or manage them from a joint account and determine what you can afford. Budgeting is essential to align your goals for the future and manage day-to-day spending.
When creating your household budget, consider savings, retirement, housing, transportation, debt repayment, and independent spending. You can use many free sample budget templates to help create your budget with your spouse-to-be.
How to talk to your partner about creating a budget:
As you and your partner make a budget, allow these Equifax questions to guide your conversation:
- Are you more of a spender or a saver?
- Do you keep a monthly budget?
- What is your annual income?
- How much money do you typically spend each month?
- How do you typically spend your disposable income?
- What’s the most money you’ve ever spent at one time?
- Do you feel it’s important to ask for my permission before making a large purchase?
- Which expenses would you cut to reduce your total spending?
- Would you prefer to split utilities and other expenses equally or according to our income?
- Should we open a joint bank account or keep our money separate?
- How much do you save on a monthly basis?
- Do you keep an emergency savings fund?
- How do you maintain your long-term savings?
- What are your long-term financial goals?
- What would you do if you received lottery winnings, an inheritance, or any other unexpected windfall?
4. Clarify your roles and responsibilities.
All marital relationships have division of labor aspects, including finances. Couples need to discuss and agree on how they want to divide their financial duties and leverage their individual strengths. For instance, one partner may excel at managing day-to-day expenses and ensuring bills are paid on time, while the other may have expertise in long-term financial planning and investments. It’s crucial for couples to identify and utilize each other’s strengths to ensure the financial well-being of their relationship.
You and your partner should have regular conversations where you check in on finances and see if you need to adjust how you handle finances. Since you both strive for transparency, consider discussing large purchases, major life events, and impacts on living expenses as a unit.
Try these three conversation starters with your fiancé to understand what roles you each want to have in your household finances.
- Are you both providers?
- Would one of you like to stay home if and when you have children?
- Would one spouse prefer to handle all of the finances?
- Do you prefer to be responsible for monthly expenses and the other to be the saver for trips and accumulating long-term wealth?
- What roles did your parents take in managing household finances?
- What assumptions do you have about what your partner will do with finances based on upbringing?
- What do you want to avoid repeating from your family of origin based on how you saw your family handle money growing up?
5. Set financial goals and protect your family’s future.
The longer you and your partner are together, the more aspects of your relationship will change. You and your partner will want to have short and long-term financial goal conversations once or twice a year. These conversations help you clarify where you want to be aligned and which goals to check in on. Consider starting with where you want to be by your 10th wedding anniversary and plan steps to reach your goals.
When setting financial goals, it’s important to consider how to protect your family’s future, whether it’s you and your partner or your children. A family lawyer can help you create a will to safeguard your long-term financial well-being as a couple.
How to discuss financial goals with your fiancé:
- Do you know what your individual financial goals are?
- What are our short and long-term financial goals?
- How can we make our short-term financial goals (less than 6 months) attainable?
- How can we make our long-term financial goals (more than a year) attainable?
- Would you like to meet with a financial adviser to set financial goals? If so, how often would you want to check in?
- When do we want to check in on finances? (i.e,. set a reminder, anniversary, start of the year, etc.)
- How can we ritualize this?
Open and honest conversations can stop money issues in marriage before they start.
Engagement is a wonderful season of looking ahead to the marriage you and your partner want to cultivate. While it may seem far off, take the time to have these financial conversations with your partner to have alignment and firm footing going into your marriage. Your wedding is simply the start of all that is to come!
Whether you’re looking for tailored premarital counseling or individual support, our practice offers in-person appointments in Charlotte, NC, and Carefree, AZ. We also have virtual sessions available for those who live in Arizona, Florida, North Carolina, South Carolina, or Texas. Contact us to get started.